Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
