we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
