Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If I die, sorry about rent.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
