I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
