is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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