I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
