I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think i got beer on your cat.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize