Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
