i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
