he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize