Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
