I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
