I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
