I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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