Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
