omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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