Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
