It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
