he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
