the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
