My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
