wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Randomize
