Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
