Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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