You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
