True but thats because hes a fetus.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
