Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
