Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
