Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
