I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize