You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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