so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
