she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
