let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
