I need to stop coming to work sober
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
