Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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