Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
