I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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