me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
