It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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