I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
