I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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