Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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