Will you blow on my dice?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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