Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
