i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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