when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
