I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
where am i from again
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
