Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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