If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
