thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
