; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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