I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
