Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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