I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
