thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
