just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
