I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
wow bdsm is so cute
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
