We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
