whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
