Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
