On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
