She's like a pop up book from hell.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
