So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
