filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
