I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
