I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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