Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
