You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
