butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You ruined the universe
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize