once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
