Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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