she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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