waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
