I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
