He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
