Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
