I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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