Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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