my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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