We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
