Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
