I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
