U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
