I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
