I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize