You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
