ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize