drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
