remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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