i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we made out on top of his cat.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I would fuck him just for his dog
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