i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
