she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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