Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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