so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize