so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
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