we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
