Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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