im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have already put on my inside pants.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
