Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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